A Day Doesn't Go By
Reflections on My 3rd Re-Birthday
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Three years ago today, I had a stem cell transplant. It was the only option available to stop the progression of my moderate to high-risk Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS). I wrote details about it last year on my second re-birthday. This year I’m having the same kinds of memories and thoughts filled with gratitude and sometimes fear.
On this re-birthday my words are coming out in fragments – hope you can follow my muddled thoughts. They express the distance I’m beginning to feel towards my experience.
A day doesn’t go by,
when I don’t remember,
that I got a second chance.
Sometimes it scares me,
and often I’m apprehensive.
Life on earth is a fragile balance.
At times it feels like a dance with death,
and hopefully not with the devil.
A day doesn’t go by,
when I don’t question reality.
Did those things actually happen,
or, are they just bad dreams?
Dreams of pain,
and sickness,
and fear.
A day doesn’t go by,
When I don’t feel anger.
Sometimes it’s the only energy I can muster.
Anger towards politicians.
Anger towards deniers.
Anger about my survival.
Why did I make it when others didn’t?
A day doesn’t go by,
when I don’t feel grateful.
I get to watch another journey
of the sun across the sky.
I get to hug my grandkids
whose little fists grasp tightly
to the strings of my heart.
I get to lay my head down
next to my beloved’s,
as we whisper plans for our future.
A day doesn’t go by,
that I don’t look forward to the time
when it won’t hurt so much
to remember the journey,
and how far I’ve come.
or
I for one am so happy that science advanced in time for a successful transplant for you. I look forward to years ahead with you in my life.
I had to read your 2nd rebirth essay along with this - your faith, bravery, thankfulness, and insight are inspiring. Congratulations on your3rd rebirth day! May there be many, many, many more.